i don't feel well

Here is a little something about my own attendance..

... now know that these times I was 

absent from the world

were when I was burnt out.

I needed those times at home.
I needed to rest, 

in the quiet, 

in my safe space, 

with my safe person.

Because world was a lot, 

it took a lot to appear perfect, 

to concentrate, 

to understand the work, 

to be a top who giving her all, 

to manage the relationship with everybody that were so confusing and often upsetting.

There was also the demands and high expectations, the managing of it all.

All this impacted on my emotional and 

physical health.

It made me unwell and exhausted frequently.

Even with partner who I now were implementing 

a very low demand house.

But I was lucky or 

luckier than most 

because I could be at home with him.

And this taught me so much.

I learnt to know when I didn’t feel okay and 

I needed to rest, 

I learnt to not push myself too hard.
I learnt the importance of self regulation, 

of home and calm and quiet.
I learnt what my limits were.

This is what I now know 

has helped me so much through life.
The knowing when it was too much, 

when I needed to go home.
To rest, to switch off.

I know when to say stop 

and to rest and reset 

before it all gets too much.

It has made me an adult 

who doesn't ignore my health.

Who takes time out before I burn out.

Editted with the exact same meaning from : Missing the Mark