Swimming eagle

Bola sentiasa menjadi trauma dalam hidup aku. Ape jenis phobia, aku tak pasti.

Its like you are being force to walk on a rope hanging on a very high building despite of you are afraid of height. Its suicide. Yeah... *Crying inside

Some things are tough for some people while it is easy for others...

Each and every time the ball come to me, my heart pounding like its gonna come out, I got exhausted easily for this. 

Each and every time I want to bounce it into the air, the bad memories haunted me again and again, when a very fast ball hit by a netball athlete come straight into my face when I was 10, and I passed out. Starting from that point I keep avoiding any types of ball sports and I dont enjoy it much. Instead, I hate it. 

People just cant imagine my feeling of having to smile and act like im enjoying these. Add-ons with this I have a bad performances in sports. Because of my height, I kept dragging myself down and down, it dismotivated me in some ways. 

But still Im doing it, doing it like my students life depend on it, doing it like if I stopped Allah will blame me for not being a good teacher to my students, doing it in pain.

When the lecturer said Im hitting the ball like I wasnt practising at all, it crushed me to ashes. But still, despite of my petite body, and exhausted spirit, I hit the ball, ... as you wish.... 

What else do you want, are you wishing to see a fish flying in the air? Its not impossible, but it gonna cost me my life to slice my back deep inside and let the wings growth wild.

Why cant people judge a fish by the way it swim and an eagle by the way it fly?

Is this the things that Im gonna do in the next chapter in my life? Judging and marking my students for the things that arent destined to be theirs? 

How hard can it be when you doing this for Allah... *Lord.... 

Ok cropper, maybe all of your students cant adapt to mandarin as much as you did, but remember, you cant have a blind guess on who can and who cant, you put effort, and let Allah decide. 

the...end...

(perhaps, I should stalk each and every one of my students, who knows if they writing a blog saying they hate mandarin as much as I hate sports, by that time, I should figure out to put mandarin into something that he/she interested in to refresh their dying spirit... well...)

#teacherstoughjobs