nak Curhat

touch down Malaysia with a very unstable feeling, I dont know should I be happy about it, or should I cried screaming hysterically about it. Zzzz...

Then I got this sickness, cant be so active for about one and a half week, cant even walk and sit properly and then I got high fever for about three days and then now when my body fully recovered from the kafarah, Im stuck in my room finishing my thesis translation, I was about to puke. No... I literally means I puked. Hey..., I really had, puked.

It was right, if you doing something just to satisfy others, you really got nothing, nothing... Its zero, and I didnt even felt good about any of this, I know I started this translations works with a wrong intention, but let me finished it rightly. Dear Allah, Make Me Strong... PELIZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......

RI FALAH

terima kasih kerana bersama membina kembali Falah
terima kasih kerana setia disini menerima setiap butir kelemahan dan kekurangannya
terima kasih keatas masa, senyuman dan tawa yang antunna hadiahkan sepanjang pembinaan Rumah Islam kita.

suatu masa dulu ia menjadi mimpi murabbi2 kita,
nama Falah juga dipilih atas kejayaan merealitikan mimpi ini.
tapi mungkin kerana pelbagai sudut lemahnya akak,
Allah menhadiahkan pelbagai duri, membersihkan kembali niat kami,
dan ketahuilah bahawa akak jatuh berkali-kali.

pada hari ini ia menjadi realiti kita.

setiap sudut Falah adalah memori tarbiyyah kami
akak masih ingat
wajah kak Syafiqah tertidur di yoga mat bersama helaian helaian kertas putih dan laptopnya
wajah kak Najah pulang dari meeting lalu tertidur di sofa
wajah kak Hazirah di pintu Falah setelah merentas perjalanan dua jam dari universitinya
raut Ella yang bercurhat hingga berjam-jam
wajah kak Syu terbaring bedrest di katil besar
suara tangisan anaknya kak Syu, Aila,
wajah kak Yana gigih menyediakan potato untuk jualan weekend
bunyi Hyunah mengeringkan rambut setiap malam
bunyi oven Sara baking biskut coklat buat kawan cinanya
suara Mizuki video call di ruang tamu bersama keluarganya di Jepun
bunyi kak Aiesyah memasak di dapur
bunyi suara Wada menghafal ayat-ayat tugasan
bunyi Husna terlanggar rak selipar rumah
wajah Tia menyiapkan tugasan-tugasan report excel
wajah akhawat-akhawat akak yang berselerakkan di ruang tamu Falah dalam menunaikan hak-hak kudrat mereka setelah menabur titik-titik tarbiyyah di bumi Beijing

suatu masa
berandanya pernah seperti rumah hantu
ruang tamunya pernah sarat dengan barang-barang tinggalan senior-senior
ikan besar pernah melompat-lompat didalam sink dapur
rak kasutnya patah kerana lambakan kasut akhawat
tempat sidainya tiba-tiba runtuh pada tengah malam
lampu ruang tamu pernah terbakar kerana terkena tali skipping
lampu bilik air pernah terjatuh atas kak Fa

keatas setiap titik hitam yang menimpa Falah mungkin kerana kafarah dosa-dosa akak.

sedaya cuba mempertahankannya
membersihkan niat hanya keranaNya
dan hari ini,
atas setiap pengalaman yang dihadiahkan, inilah RI Falah.

I dont know how to look good in the pictures,
not an excellent cooker,
not even a role model kakak,
but above everything else,
terima kasih kerana menerima Falah dan kakfa seadanya.
selamat meneruskan perjuangan.

‪#‎ItHasBeen3years‬
‪#‎OnceIwasAskedtoWalkAway‬
‪#‎butIfirmlyStayed‬
‪#‎现在我也应该走了‬

the ease that I pray to Allah for you

im afraid to be your important person

when we are just too closed

I'll distanced

Making some space that not too close until you can notice me but not too far so that I can notice you.

Cause i might have flaws that you'll hate, 

I might not talented enough to figure out your reasons for every emotions that you made, 

I might not that strong to hold my tears when you cried, or even hold my tears when Im sad,

The time might too short for me to fullfilled all my promises to you cause

As I raced with the time that I had, I often defeated by the world while chasing you infront,

My feeling might too steel and cant soften my lips just to say to you how much you mean to me and how great my love to you

My eyes might too small so that you cant even see the tears is rolling when Im lift up my face to just looked at you in the eyes,

I might too negative...

So i knew

My goodbye might too boring to make you realised that this moment of goodbye is crushing my heart to pieces...

But as if i less important

the level of sadness might not that bad

Only by making myself less important

I hope im giving you the best gift

That is 

you will walk away with ease...

#保重...